WE'RE BACK! And in the spirit of things, I suppose it's time to hit it hard, like a suspect in shackles. I hate to jump on the bandwagon here, but I suppose it is only fitting that TDD pays a humble tribute to one of YouTube's finest collections of comments EVER. That's right folks. At this very moment, the famous Ms. South Carolina video has almost surpassed the 30,000 comment mark. And needless to say, these dummies are following in finest commenter form.
So if 1 in 5 US Americans cannot locate the United States on a world map, we can assume that this is because this same 5th of our country is spending their time furiously commenting the days away on YouTube. Rather than taking another cheap shot at Ms. South Carolina, I would like to commend her for bringing the brightest and best of this geographically illiterate population together in one place, making my job incredibly easy. Although if I were her right now, I'd almost rather be left at the mercy of Michael Vick's hairy little prize fighters than subjected to this endless internet torture. Notwithstanding their utter stupidity, these commenter types can get a little vicious.
In a more-than-memorable kickoff, yman198 was able to pinpoint the folly of the girl's answer and provide a simple, effective solution; all while charming our pants off with his sense of humor, too. He states, "she said because somma people dont have maps well the question was why cant we locate us on the map so that means we do have maps and wtf does iraq have to do with this no wonder we make blond jokes she lucky she sexy i wouldve shot her" Ohhh, I see. The problem isn't the lack of maps, but rather that we don't know how to use them. How could a person not know how to locate the US America on a map that doesn't exist? So we don't need any more maps then. I'm also not really sure what Iraq had to do with the question and I could see how her shortsighted inclusion of this detail would resonate with countless of our old favorite blond jokes. No wonder they think blonds are stupid, yman198! Although the opportunity has passed, the only real solution would have been for Mario Lopez to shoot her onstage. She's lucky she's sexy though, because I'm sure it's the only thing that prevented Slater from pulling out his glock and capping her ass right there.
Our buddy CVGodfather picked up on this subtlety too, as evidenced by this keen observation:
"Slader was tryin mad hard not 2 laugh at the end!" You were almost right CVGodfather, you old dog! Slater wasn't just trying to restrain his laughter. He was, in fact, trying his damndest not to pull a Cheney on her and blast her in the face. Also for the readers, please note the fact that this man also does not realize that "Slader" is actually a character named "Slater" played by a real, live, Latino actor named Mario Lopez. I must say, holding back his imminent rage was his best performance yet.
"And the dumdass of the ear award goes too..." ... behappynoworry, for posting this amazingly paradoxical little comment. From one blithering idiot to another, this is a pretty little bit of irony. This is like one paraplegic telling another paraplegic that they're going to outrun them in the Boston Marathon. No, no... by that I didn't mean pointless. I meant "hilarious."
For the first time in TDD history, we have a returning commenter who managed to outdumb the masses once again. You may remember his rampant incoherence from the Fresh Prince edition. It seems that no matter where he's sailing in YouTube's sea of banalities, Trabant6666 sticks out like a boner in gym class. "how old you have to be to know where the fuck is your own country on the map?" he asks. It's a fair enough question, but his ignorance and impatience become his demise. Leaving no room for anyone to respond, Trabant6666 just slaps the spacebar and proceeds to answer the query himself. "you have to be 3 years old or an american citizen LOL" Delighted with his quip, he got clearly got caught up in his own brilliance and forgot that "an american citizen" is not an age. If that's how you wanna play Trabant6666, I've got a good one for you: How old do you have to be to have a sense of humor and comment on YouTube? A dumbass LOL!
I couldn't bring myself to give each of these next gentlemen their own little blurb, because like sex offenders, they should be confined their own small, perverted space... or something like that. One thing Ms. South Carolina DID do well was inspire a gaggle of perverts to do what they do best all over YouTube. Here are some of the standouts from this pervy oeuvre:
Nickolas086 "I hope she good at sucking cock then answering intelligent questions."
Armin600 "here is the deal: I will buy her a map if she sucks it in exchange..."
flyduck1 "Ok so she should not use her mouth for talking, but there are lots of other things she can do..."
st393736 "after looking at her face, my COCK is HARD..."
LUCKYLOONIE "Miss Teen,The best way to deal with a situation like this, is to show them your tits! -Dr Phil MD"
Ok, since flyduck1 seems to know a thing or two about oral technique, maybe he could suck Armin600's map while st393736 watches hungrily. I suppose LUCKYLOONIE (Dr. Phil's YouTube pseudonym?) would have to flash Nickolas086 confusedly while he asked the most difficult intelligent question of all: Where is Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC's Perverted Justice when we need him? C'mon pedo-hunters, do your job.
ferris66 had perhaps the most interesting take on this whole fiasco, and maybe provided some insight as to why these events transpired as they have over the last few days. "please can someone get this chic a map!! for crying out loud!! "some people out there in our nation don't have maps" hahaha buy them some maps too.. watch the rise in map profit the next 2 weeks..lolol" Could it really be? Oh my god... it's... it's true. What ferris66 is saying is that Rand McNally (the notoriously slimy and manipulative mapmakers) have paid off Ms. South Carolina in what is becoming the biggest, most scandalous cartographic conspiracy ever! They were banking on the popularity of this video to boost map sales into unprecedented territory, financing innumerable maniacal cackles in Rand McNally corporate offices worldwide! Curse you sons of bitches! May God have mercy on our souls, ferris66...
I guess in the end, the embarrassing saga Ms. Carolina has brought about a few good things. I'm sure Slater is getting more screen time than he's gotten since the days when he was slapping Screech around. I'm sure South Carolina is basking in the warm, numbing glow of the national spotlight. Ms. South Carolina herself is likely in a hotel right now with a gun in her mouth... ahem. And although she is sporting a room temperature IQ, it still hasn't detracted adoring fans like skyfinch from "still want[ing] to touch her stinky." Anyway, the most amazing result of this video was the overwhelming support this poor girl has received from people worldwide. From US Americans to Iraqis, South Africans to Asians, and other like, such as, Ms. South Carolina has left her mark in the annals of interweb history and will continue to shine on as a beacon of US educational supremacy, building up a future, for our children. Rest assured, Ms. South Carolina. You have accomplished nothing but good. I believe the revered statesman senatormendozza spoke for our entire country on a map when he said:
"she might be a dumb bitch but id still smell her panties"
Until next time, take 'er easy. And if she's easy, take 'er twice.
e enjte, 30 gusht 2007
e mërkurë, 11 korrik 2007
What's the best thing to give an idiot?
I can tell you one thing, it's definitely NOT a SUPER FUCKING POWERFUL GREEN LASER. In the next video we have a semi-dangerous toy, a green laser which can pop balloons, light matches, and be seen up to 12 miles away. Now, selling this object to reasonable, responsible adults would obviously not create any problems. Unfortunately, the creator of this video has taken it upon himself to market this product towards some of the most idiotic people ever to grace the Earth (and by grace, I merely mean exist. These guys can't really grace anything while staring slack jawed at their computer screens, breathing loudly through their mouths).
The video is pretty cool I know, (Apart from the "LET'S ROLL" poster in the beginning. I mean honestly, who would put that on their wall?) and the laser itself seems like a fun toy for a responsible adult...
sickfucker007 - "where do you get one of those fucking things!?"
Again, unfortunately we are not dealing with responsible adults, as the aptly named sickfucker007 shows us. sickfucker007 couldn't even muster up the brainpower to read the "fucking" video description, in which the video poster has a "fucking" direct link to an eBay seller who is currently selling the "fucking" lasers.
Nagle23 - "yea like thats true and how the hell doesnt it catch the house on fire"
Ahh, out comes the uninformed, idiotic skeptic. Nagle23 doesn't believe in powerful green lasers, just like he doesn't believe in evolution. Damn science is always trying to lie to us! You tell em Nagle23!
tittytwister5251 - "I WANT ONE."
I think anyone who would voluntarily name themselves tittytwister5251 is one of the worst people to whom you could give this laser. Remember those d-bags in middle school who thought it was really funny to grab your nipples and twist? This guy is definitely 26, still thinks its funny, and is going to try it at his next office party running around in an XXL Hawaiian shirt with his green laser yelling, "Laser guidance system locked on. Titty twister system engaged!"
iamtocooler - "THATS DANGEROUS"
I will never understand why people point out the miserably obvious in their comments, but thanks iamtocooler, you truly saved the day. People would never have realized that a really powerful green laser is potentially dangerous and could possibly be misused.
robertrobert905 - "wth its like a weapon, u can't just sell something like that to ppl. its way worse than a gun cas u can disguise it as a pen"
I'm not sure which is worse. Better watch out robertrobert905, I'm going to shine my laser on you and blow your intestines out through a 6 inch hole in your back! Oh wait, that's what I would do with a gun. With my laser I would annoy you by shining it on your stomach. If you were wearing a black t-shirt and I was standing less than a foot away your t-shirt might warm up. While this isn't the safest of toys, (i.e. don't stand around and shine it in your eyes), it's way less dangerous than a powerful Airsoft gun...which we just sell to people.
lovepeacenappiness23 - "I agree. Something an idiot has to fuck up people. It's all fun and games until a trrst. gets a hold of it. lol,but true."
I really would like to hope this guy was joking, but since it's YouTube, of course he isn't. I'm sure even a remotely intelligent trrst. has a better way to wreak havoc among a civilian population than to shine a green laser at people, hoping they look into the beam. lovepeacenappiness23 envisions a world in which the following happens, instead of flying fully loaded transcontinental airliners into skyscrapers, the "trrst.s" have resorted to this: "Allahu Akbar, they are looking at the beam! Soon the infidels will be temporarily blinded/possibly have some permanent vision loss!" That truly would be lovepeacenappiness23 now, wouldn't it?
nflfabfonz - "i wanna shine theese on my balls to get a raging mega huge boner!"
I guess a fetish exists for everything. Hmm, http://www.lasermyballs.com hasn't been bought yet, anybody wanna split the hosting costs?
Voltairez - "I want to stick that laser in my dick hole. Cool Video if I had one. How will sperm and green light look?"
Seriously, anyone wanna go in on that website?
(On a side note Voltairez, I'm pretty sure sperm and green light will look like green-lit sperm.)
schug2727 - "dude i want one a dem pens so i can do dem tricks and pop dem balloons with that pen. dam mayne im excitieddd i mean shiooottttt dem pens is cool..and dey aint even redd...das hot ,."
I'm speechless.
I'm going to leave you with a moment of clarity so that you don't leave the blog depressed. In response to an idiotic question, we have ColonelGeezer shining through as a voice of reason.
talbertblandstein - "Are these weapons of mass distruction ?"
ColonelGeezer - "Mass destruction? No. But in the case of Youtube, they are weapons of mass stupidity. There are no legitimate uses for laser "pointers" in the 50mw+ range except possibly for presentations in daylight, or in the lab. Either way, posts like these exemplify why high-powered lasers should be sold only to serious users with legitimate purposes and not just any kid or man-child who wants to look cool."
Sorry for our hiatus, hopefully we will have more time to update frequently. We'd still love to hear your feedback!
The video is pretty cool I know, (Apart from the "LET'S ROLL" poster in the beginning. I mean honestly, who would put that on their wall?) and the laser itself seems like a fun toy for a responsible adult...
sickfucker007 - "where do you get one of those fucking things!?"
Again, unfortunately we are not dealing with responsible adults, as the aptly named sickfucker007 shows us. sickfucker007 couldn't even muster up the brainpower to read the "fucking" video description, in which the video poster has a "fucking" direct link to an eBay seller who is currently selling the "fucking" lasers.
Nagle23 - "yea like thats true and how the hell doesnt it catch the house on fire"
Ahh, out comes the uninformed, idiotic skeptic. Nagle23 doesn't believe in powerful green lasers, just like he doesn't believe in evolution. Damn science is always trying to lie to us! You tell em Nagle23!
tittytwister5251 - "I WANT ONE."
I think anyone who would voluntarily name themselves tittytwister5251 is one of the worst people to whom you could give this laser. Remember those d-bags in middle school who thought it was really funny to grab your nipples and twist? This guy is definitely 26, still thinks its funny, and is going to try it at his next office party running around in an XXL Hawaiian shirt with his green laser yelling, "Laser guidance system locked on. Titty twister system engaged!"
iamtocooler - "THATS DANGEROUS"
I will never understand why people point out the miserably obvious in their comments, but thanks iamtocooler, you truly saved the day. People would never have realized that a really powerful green laser is potentially dangerous and could possibly be misused.
robertrobert905 - "wth its like a weapon, u can't just sell something like that to ppl. its way worse than a gun cas u can disguise it as a pen"
I'm not sure which is worse. Better watch out robertrobert905, I'm going to shine my laser on you and blow your intestines out through a 6 inch hole in your back! Oh wait, that's what I would do with a gun. With my laser I would annoy you by shining it on your stomach. If you were wearing a black t-shirt and I was standing less than a foot away your t-shirt might warm up. While this isn't the safest of toys, (i.e. don't stand around and shine it in your eyes), it's way less dangerous than a powerful Airsoft gun...which we just sell to people.
lovepeacenappiness23 - "I agree. Something an idiot has to fuck up people. It's all fun and games until a trrst. gets a hold of it. lol,but true."
I really would like to hope this guy was joking, but since it's YouTube, of course he isn't. I'm sure even a remotely intelligent trrst. has a better way to wreak havoc among a civilian population than to shine a green laser at people, hoping they look into the beam. lovepeacenappiness23 envisions a world in which the following happens, instead of flying fully loaded transcontinental airliners into skyscrapers, the "trrst.s" have resorted to this: "Allahu Akbar, they are looking at the beam! Soon the infidels will be temporarily blinded/possibly have some permanent vision loss!" That truly would be lovepeacenappiness23 now, wouldn't it?
nflfabfonz - "i wanna shine theese on my balls to get a raging mega huge boner!"
I guess a fetish exists for everything. Hmm, http://www.lasermyballs.com hasn't been bought yet, anybody wanna split the hosting costs?
Voltairez - "I want to stick that laser in my dick hole. Cool Video if I had one. How will sperm and green light look?"
Seriously, anyone wanna go in on that website?
(On a side note Voltairez, I'm pretty sure sperm and green light will look like green-lit sperm.)
schug2727 - "dude i want one a dem pens so i can do dem tricks and pop dem balloons with that pen. dam mayne im excitieddd i mean shiooottttt dem pens is cool..and dey aint even redd...das hot ,."
I'm speechless.
I'm going to leave you with a moment of clarity so that you don't leave the blog depressed. In response to an idiotic question, we have ColonelGeezer shining through as a voice of reason.
talbertblandstein - "Are these weapons of mass distruction ?"
ColonelGeezer - "Mass destruction? No. But in the case of Youtube, they are weapons of mass stupidity. There are no legitimate uses for laser "pointers" in the 50mw+ range except possibly for presentations in daylight, or in the lab. Either way, posts like these exemplify why high-powered lasers should be sold only to serious users with legitimate purposes and not just any kid or man-child who wants to look cool."
Sorry for our hiatus, hopefully we will have more time to update frequently. We'd still love to hear your feedback!
e enjte, 5 korrik 2007
Brief Hiatus
Due to recent circumstances (finals, going to France, moving home from Germany), we've taken a brief hiatus in writing. Please don't abandon hope for the site, we will continue writing in the future!
e martë, 19 qershor 2007
The Wickerman - True Comedic Genius
In this next installment of TDD we see a few comments from the YouTube crowd that are actually coherent sentences, some of them quite clever and amusing, though I suppose there are always a few 'tards who manage to do something other than scrub tables at your local McDonald's. (Yeesh, making fun of people with mental handicaps, doesn't get much lower than that.)
This compilation of scenes from the 2006 steaming pile of poop starring Nick Cage (a horrible remake of the 1973 British film by the same name) is one of my all time favorite YouTube videos. To quote Roger Ebert when asked about similarly terrible film (Wild Wild West, yeah the one starring Will Smith in 1999), "it's like watching money being burned on screen." In this clip we have a terrible actor screaming about bees, punching women in the face and running around in a bear suit. Sound awesome? It is.
(If you need more misogynistic action you can view an extended collection of clips here.)
On to the comments -
We'll start with the few that are actually quite clever/funny, as I said before, way above par for the average YouTube video.
ACustomConcern - "Dude, the remake is a sin against film, but that montage is exactly what the movie needed to be. I think they should make a film with Cage just going around punching women, whilst wearing a bearsuit. It would make MILLIONS."
I couldn't agree more. I believe Cage's acting really shines when he is wearing that bearsuit, because we can focus more on how "fuckin' sweet" it is that he's wearing a bearsuit and punching women and less on the fact that he is trying desperately to act.
chewie2240 - "I am confused, can someone confirm this to me or am I imagining things? Did I just see an A list Hollywood actor in a movie where the script requires him to do a scene where he sucker punches a young Amish woman while wearing a full on grizzly bear costume?"
While I wouldn't agree with chewie2240's statement that Nick Cage is an A-List actor (though I suppose he does make movies that are "totally awesome" when you're 13 - like "Face-Off"), the sentiment of his post is, I will admit, quite clever.
MrsFossil - "I never realised beating up women could be so fucking funny."
Soul74 - "Classy."
Soul74, I couldn't have put it better myself.
LocalLooney expresses his heartfelt sentiments - "BEAR SUIT OF LOVE"
TomiusJ - "God, haven't seen it, but it looks so awful. What's happened to Nic's acting? Oh, wait... nothing."
Jeez, if the YouTubers keep up like this we won't have much to write about.
Never fear though, there are always idiots lurking around...such as this fellow:
zandizandi - "i just watched the movie and really enjoyed it if you didnt like it set your nuts on fire u fuckn homos."
I think zandizandi was the perfect customer for this film - he makes a compelling case through his exquisite wit for me to set my nuts on fire. I am probably a "fuckn homo" as well!
With that piece of sheer brilliance I'm going to end this post, which was really just an excuse to show you the utter atrocity that is this film. Remember to set your nuts on fire though, because you probably didn't like the movie.
This compilation of scenes from the 2006 steaming pile of poop starring Nick Cage (a horrible remake of the 1973 British film by the same name) is one of my all time favorite YouTube videos. To quote Roger Ebert when asked about similarly terrible film (Wild Wild West, yeah the one starring Will Smith in 1999), "it's like watching money being burned on screen." In this clip we have a terrible actor screaming about bees, punching women in the face and running around in a bear suit. Sound awesome? It is.
(If you need more misogynistic action you can view an extended collection of clips here.)
On to the comments -
We'll start with the few that are actually quite clever/funny, as I said before, way above par for the average YouTube video.
ACustomConcern - "Dude, the remake is a sin against film, but that montage is exactly what the movie needed to be. I think they should make a film with Cage just going around punching women, whilst wearing a bearsuit. It would make MILLIONS."
I couldn't agree more. I believe Cage's acting really shines when he is wearing that bearsuit, because we can focus more on how "fuckin' sweet" it is that he's wearing a bearsuit and punching women and less on the fact that he is trying desperately to act.
chewie2240 - "I am confused, can someone confirm this to me or am I imagining things? Did I just see an A list Hollywood actor in a movie where the script requires him to do a scene where he sucker punches a young Amish woman while wearing a full on grizzly bear costume?"
While I wouldn't agree with chewie2240's statement that Nick Cage is an A-List actor (though I suppose he does make movies that are "totally awesome" when you're 13 - like "Face-Off"), the sentiment of his post is, I will admit, quite clever.
MrsFossil - "I never realised beating up women could be so fucking funny."
Soul74 - "Classy."
Soul74, I couldn't have put it better myself.
LocalLooney expresses his heartfelt sentiments - "BEAR SUIT OF LOVE"
TomiusJ - "God, haven't seen it, but it looks so awful. What's happened to Nic's acting? Oh, wait... nothing."
Jeez, if the YouTubers keep up like this we won't have much to write about.
Never fear though, there are always idiots lurking around...such as this fellow:
zandizandi - "i just watched the movie and really enjoyed it if you didnt like it set your nuts on fire u fuckn homos."
I think zandizandi was the perfect customer for this film - he makes a compelling case through his exquisite wit for me to set my nuts on fire. I am probably a "fuckn homo" as well!
With that piece of sheer brilliance I'm going to end this post, which was really just an excuse to show you the utter atrocity that is this film. Remember to set your nuts on fire though, because you probably didn't like the movie.
e diel, 17 qershor 2007
The Presh Prince and Other Blunders
I was watching Men In Black last night and I thought to myself, "Man, Will Smith is really cool. He can act, he can rap... what a dreamboat!" Shortly after waking up this morning, I was wowed yet again by another clip online of Mr. Smith solving a Rubik's cube in under a minute. Seriously. How sweet is that? Unfortunately, I couldn't write that clip up because it wasn't on YouTube and lacked the accompanying comments. I felt it was only fitting to have this edition of TDD be dedicated to the all-around likable (lickable?) African-American man that is Will "Big Willie" Smith. Let's take a look at this classic moment from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:
Before we commence, I'd like to point out the three major elements of this clip which contribute to it's hilarity:
1. Scripted Sitcom Sports - Unfailingly calculated to razzle-dazzle your socks off (while your shoes somehow remain on your feet.) When executed correctly, these scenes are effective in that the casual viewer cannot make the distinction between choreography and pure LeBron-esque hoop domination. Watch as this will become our commenters downfall.
2. Soundtrack by the Right Reverend M.C. Hammer - A near requisite in every early 1990s sitcom, especially in sequences of progress, self-improvement montages and moments of pure badassery. Check.
3. Disneyland® - The obvious reward for some kind of achievement is a trip to a Disney® brand theme park. It's the only place in the world where the overly-inflated price of churros exceeds 1000% and child molestation is legal. Clearly the most magical place on earth.
Our beloved sea of idiots didn't fail in bringing us wave after wave of dimwitted babble. Roll up your pant legs folks, it seems we've reached high tide.
It's clear we're going to be treated to a load of comment flotsam when 786rahib786 poses the question, "is tis a part of a presh prince episode or a real game" Well, I'm assuming it's a question, despite the complete lack of punctuation. Nevertheless, this concept seems to perplex a majority of our commenters.
Commenter kasra realizes that his baller skills fall short of The Prince. "i wish i could play dat goood" he says, failing to realize that while it looks impeccably authentic, this basketball game is NOT REAL.
Not to be outdone, bballgmr is so sure of his game that he doesn't hesitate to flaunt it. I'm sure Will Smith was trembling in his desk chair when he saw "i can take him lol he has no left hand skills" under his video. Even so, he likely took comfort in knowing that leslienn will be his "gurl" despite the criticism that can so often be taxing on celebrity relationships. She says, "will is really good, and sexy. i wish i was his gurl. i wish i could play like him too and bballgmr yes he does and no u cant." Wow, really? I don't know if you're keeping track, but we're already up to three, count 'em, THREE people who didn't know this was faked. Ohhhh YouTube...
spartydrew5 seems to be forgetting a little thing called "suspension of disbelief" when he sits down to watch his Nick At Nite® re-runs on a couch in his mother's basement while she watches her "stories" upstairs. He asks confusedly, "shouldnt a rich prep school like bel air academy have a bigger gym?" NO, spartydrew5, they shouldn't have a bigger gym. They should have a big enough gym to fit on the SOUNDSTAGE that it was being FILMED on in front of a LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
Sadly, this video could not escape the pervasive blanket of racism on YouTube and fell victim to trabant6666's incoherent remarks: "yo black bitch whos momma is a ho shat da fak ap or get back to da jungle bitch ass monkey nigro!" Let's be honest; if people as fantastic as Will Smith come from the jungle, buy me a plane ticket for the Congo ASAP. We can leave trabant6666 and his sophisticated circle of socialites in the "developed world."
For every distasteful comment there are about 10,000 that make our job a little easier. Unable to restrain his self, pakja bursts forth in a veritable river of exclamation points, "you can touch the Prince!!!!!!!!!!1 fresh Prince is tight!!!!!!" Yes pakja, you can touch the prince. We'll see how well it goes over on the red carpet the next time you're collecting "Prince Dust" for your Will Smith shrine.
And the award for most irrelevant comment this time goes to Samchs08 who has managed to leave me at a loss for commentary with this misspelled beauty: "beastality." I suppose the sight of Will Smith enveloping the grizzly Uncle Phil in a giant leggy hug could conjure up such images, but I think it's best to leave that one alone.
Until next time... stay presh YouTube, and stay dumb.
Before we commence, I'd like to point out the three major elements of this clip which contribute to it's hilarity:
1. Scripted Sitcom Sports - Unfailingly calculated to razzle-dazzle your socks off (while your shoes somehow remain on your feet.) When executed correctly, these scenes are effective in that the casual viewer cannot make the distinction between choreography and pure LeBron-esque hoop domination. Watch as this will become our commenters downfall.
2. Soundtrack by the Right Reverend M.C. Hammer - A near requisite in every early 1990s sitcom, especially in sequences of progress, self-improvement montages and moments of pure badassery. Check.
3. Disneyland® - The obvious reward for some kind of achievement is a trip to a Disney® brand theme park. It's the only place in the world where the overly-inflated price of churros exceeds 1000% and child molestation is legal. Clearly the most magical place on earth.
Our beloved sea of idiots didn't fail in bringing us wave after wave of dimwitted babble. Roll up your pant legs folks, it seems we've reached high tide.
It's clear we're going to be treated to a load of comment flotsam when 786rahib786 poses the question, "is tis a part of a presh prince episode or a real game" Well, I'm assuming it's a question, despite the complete lack of punctuation. Nevertheless, this concept seems to perplex a majority of our commenters.
Commenter kasra realizes that his baller skills fall short of The Prince. "i wish i could play dat goood" he says, failing to realize that while it looks impeccably authentic, this basketball game is NOT REAL.
Not to be outdone, bballgmr is so sure of his game that he doesn't hesitate to flaunt it. I'm sure Will Smith was trembling in his desk chair when he saw "i can take him lol he has no left hand skills" under his video. Even so, he likely took comfort in knowing that leslienn will be his "gurl" despite the criticism that can so often be taxing on celebrity relationships. She says, "will is really good, and sexy. i wish i was his gurl. i wish i could play like him too and bballgmr yes he does and no u cant." Wow, really? I don't know if you're keeping track, but we're already up to three, count 'em, THREE people who didn't know this was faked. Ohhhh YouTube...
spartydrew5 seems to be forgetting a little thing called "suspension of disbelief" when he sits down to watch his Nick At Nite® re-runs on a couch in his mother's basement while she watches her "stories" upstairs. He asks confusedly, "shouldnt a rich prep school like bel air academy have a bigger gym?" NO, spartydrew5, they shouldn't have a bigger gym. They should have a big enough gym to fit on the SOUNDSTAGE that it was being FILMED on in front of a LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
Sadly, this video could not escape the pervasive blanket of racism on YouTube and fell victim to trabant6666's incoherent remarks: "yo black bitch whos momma is a ho shat da fak ap or get back to da jungle bitch ass monkey nigro!" Let's be honest; if people as fantastic as Will Smith come from the jungle, buy me a plane ticket for the Congo ASAP. We can leave trabant6666 and his sophisticated circle of socialites in the "developed world."
For every distasteful comment there are about 10,000 that make our job a little easier. Unable to restrain his self, pakja bursts forth in a veritable river of exclamation points, "you can touch the Prince!!!!!!!!!!1 fresh Prince is tight!!!!!!" Yes pakja, you can touch the prince. We'll see how well it goes over on the red carpet the next time you're collecting "Prince Dust" for your Will Smith shrine.
And the award for most irrelevant comment this time goes to Samchs08 who has managed to leave me at a loss for commentary with this misspelled beauty: "beastality." I suppose the sight of Will Smith enveloping the grizzly Uncle Phil in a giant leggy hug could conjure up such images, but I think it's best to leave that one alone.
Until next time... stay presh YouTube, and stay dumb.
e shtunë, 16 qershor 2007
Alcoholism - it's funny!
This video was on the "promotional videos" section of the front page of YouTube and it looked like it could be mildly amusing (and also contain some great comments). Personally I've never been a huge Halo fan, I've preferred to stick my nerdiness into different areas, but I suppose I can see the appeal of shooting your buddies in the face (in a way). Here's the video in question, but it needs to be taken with some context, as it is a parody of a leaked video of David Hasselhoff doing the same thing. (If you haven't seen the Hasselhoff video you can view it here)
The humor in the video is admittedly in bad taste, making fun of a man at his lowest point in life, his daughter begging him to stop drinking while he tries to stuff a Wendy's burger into his mouth lying on the floor...but then again it is Hasselhoff, so that makes it okay to laugh at, right?
Oh well, on to the best part, the comments!
PAINTBALLOWNAGE42 -
"are you goin to stop
yes
do you promise
NO!!!
HE SOUNDED LIKE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE"
Just the username cracks me up, all caps - making the proclamation to the world that paintball is in fact, ownage. I really hope 42 is his age and that this is the email address he uses for business related exchanges. I can see it now. -
"John Smith" PAINTBALLOWNAGE42@bigcorp.com says: "Hey Bill, I finished typing those TPS reports, think I could get some extra time off this weekend?"
Thugpatrol -
"if you ppl knew what this was about then it would be a 5 star vid.
and yes, by "you ppl" i mean black folk"
Thanks Thugpatrol, for clarifying what you meant by "you ppl." I can really take your argument seriously when you can't even find the time to type out people, and instead have to be racist using internet shorthand.
In response to Thugpatrol's comment one would think we should have an outraged citizen at the blatant racism displayed. Instead, we have this gem from Shotgunmage - "I agree. Too many noobs are here."
I love the fact that Shotgunmage is so l33t, to him, "black folks" are equivalent to noobs. Though one would think such a l33t Mage would not need a shotgun, being able to fire magic out of his fingertips.
godsbane63 - "why doesnt he jus take the shotgun on the floor and blast the women thats nagging at him's head off?!"
Naturally this is the correct solution to the problem, though unfortunately for godsbane63 he got the weapon type wrong.
In response: GSantiago16 - "Battle Rifle* u stupid azz b!tch"
GSantiago16 sees absolutely nothing wrong with blasting an innocent woman's head off, though he does see a problem with godsbane63 referring to what is OBVIOUSLY a "Battle Rifle*" - though I suppose the problem isn't quite big enough to actually use the word bitch, instead opting for the less offensive b!tch.
In response: godsbane63 - "its so fuzy i can hardly see u ass sucker! and all i did was make a small mistake u dun hav to curse me u horse fucker!"
godsbane63 has no qualms with swearing however (I suppose as the bane of god you can swear all you want), and makes this clear in his eloquent response to GSantiago16's calling him out on his false identification of weaponry. I wasn't quite sure how one could fit both "ass sucker" and "horse fucker" into the same comment, but somehow godsbane63 manages. (They do rhyme quite nicely, maybe he should start writing poetry!)
DarkNinja1223 - "this is.........fucktarded it totally beats retardation."
I would love to have DarkNinja1223 over for coffee (though he probably only drinks Mountain Dew® XTREME!!!) and ask him to explain to me in minute detail the differences between fucktardation and retardation. Where are the borders? When does a retarded video become fucktarded? I have a feeling that ratio of things fucktarded to retarded increases exponentially when you have a name like DarkNinja1223. XTREME!
Meowmewo - "lol u guys know that this is a copy of david hasslehoff right? but its funny"
Meowmewo wants to make sure everyone is as observant as he is, because the similarities between this video and the Hasselhoff video were definitely not what made it funny. Oh wait, they were what made it funny? Thanks Mewomewo! I never would have figured it out on my own!
RAJYS - "hummm i love this video is very virtual......"
RAJYS seems to have forgotten that when you lack punctuation in a sentence you can't make up for it all at the end. I can't quite figure out what he's saying, but obviously he is thinking hard about it. I'd like to think he's saying something profound, as if a video that is virtual is full of virtue...though more likely he forgot to wipe the drool off his chin and hit return after falling asleep on the keyboard.
RichieLivingston - "Those graphics look real."
If we weren't on YouTube I would be willing to accept this comment as a joke, though unfortunately we are, and Mr. Livingston here just happens to be part of idiots. His world would be shattered if we were to tell him that those graphics were a guy in a suit, like when you tell a small child the easter bunny is just a man in a suit.
99931221 - "f u go insult haslehoff or someone else fags, mc is my fav character"
This is my absolute favorite comment of the bunch. Just look at it. I'm surprised 99931221 can even type a coherent thought, as he is completely unable to grasp the concept of a parody.
So remember, don't fuckin' insult Master Chief, or his Mountain Dew® drinking buddies will call you fags and come kick your ass XTREME hard!
The humor in the video is admittedly in bad taste, making fun of a man at his lowest point in life, his daughter begging him to stop drinking while he tries to stuff a Wendy's burger into his mouth lying on the floor...but then again it is Hasselhoff, so that makes it okay to laugh at, right?
Oh well, on to the best part, the comments!
PAINTBALLOWNAGE42 -
"are you goin to stop
yes
do you promise
NO!!!
HE SOUNDED LIKE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE"
Just the username cracks me up, all caps - making the proclamation to the world that paintball is in fact, ownage. I really hope 42 is his age and that this is the email address he uses for business related exchanges. I can see it now. -
"John Smith" PAINTBALLOWNAGE42@bigcorp.com says: "Hey Bill, I finished typing those TPS reports, think I could get some extra time off this weekend?"
Thugpatrol -
"if you ppl knew what this was about then it would be a 5 star vid.
and yes, by "you ppl" i mean black folk"
Thanks Thugpatrol, for clarifying what you meant by "you ppl." I can really take your argument seriously when you can't even find the time to type out people, and instead have to be racist using internet shorthand.
In response to Thugpatrol's comment one would think we should have an outraged citizen at the blatant racism displayed. Instead, we have this gem from Shotgunmage - "I agree. Too many noobs are here."
I love the fact that Shotgunmage is so l33t, to him, "black folks" are equivalent to noobs. Though one would think such a l33t Mage would not need a shotgun, being able to fire magic out of his fingertips.
godsbane63 - "why doesnt he jus take the shotgun on the floor and blast the women thats nagging at him's head off?!"
Naturally this is the correct solution to the problem, though unfortunately for godsbane63 he got the weapon type wrong.
In response: GSantiago16 - "Battle Rifle* u stupid azz b!tch"
GSantiago16 sees absolutely nothing wrong with blasting an innocent woman's head off, though he does see a problem with godsbane63 referring to what is OBVIOUSLY a "Battle Rifle*" - though I suppose the problem isn't quite big enough to actually use the word bitch, instead opting for the less offensive b!tch.
In response: godsbane63 - "its so fuzy i can hardly see u ass sucker! and all i did was make a small mistake u dun hav to curse me u horse fucker!"
godsbane63 has no qualms with swearing however (I suppose as the bane of god you can swear all you want), and makes this clear in his eloquent response to GSantiago16's calling him out on his false identification of weaponry. I wasn't quite sure how one could fit both "ass sucker" and "horse fucker" into the same comment, but somehow godsbane63 manages. (They do rhyme quite nicely, maybe he should start writing poetry!)
DarkNinja1223 - "this is.........fucktarded it totally beats retardation."
I would love to have DarkNinja1223 over for coffee (though he probably only drinks Mountain Dew® XTREME!!!) and ask him to explain to me in minute detail the differences between fucktardation and retardation. Where are the borders? When does a retarded video become fucktarded? I have a feeling that ratio of things fucktarded to retarded increases exponentially when you have a name like DarkNinja1223. XTREME!
Meowmewo - "lol u guys know that this is a copy of david hasslehoff right? but its funny"
Meowmewo wants to make sure everyone is as observant as he is, because the similarities between this video and the Hasselhoff video were definitely not what made it funny. Oh wait, they were what made it funny? Thanks Mewomewo! I never would have figured it out on my own!
RAJYS - "hummm i love this video is very virtual......"
RAJYS seems to have forgotten that when you lack punctuation in a sentence you can't make up for it all at the end. I can't quite figure out what he's saying, but obviously he is thinking hard about it. I'd like to think he's saying something profound, as if a video that is virtual is full of virtue...though more likely he forgot to wipe the drool off his chin and hit return after falling asleep on the keyboard.
RichieLivingston - "Those graphics look real."
If we weren't on YouTube I would be willing to accept this comment as a joke, though unfortunately we are, and Mr. Livingston here just happens to be part of idiots. His world would be shattered if we were to tell him that those graphics were a guy in a suit, like when you tell a small child the easter bunny is just a man in a suit.
99931221 - "f u go insult haslehoff or someone else fags, mc is my fav character"
This is my absolute favorite comment of the bunch. Just look at it. I'm surprised 99931221 can even type a coherent thought, as he is completely unable to grasp the concept of a parody.
So remember, don't fuckin' insult Master Chief, or his Mountain Dew® drinking buddies will call you fags and come kick your ass XTREME hard!
e enjte, 14 qershor 2007
This Ain't A Scene, It's A Stupid Comment GOLDMINE!
I have always thought that Fall Out Boy was musically retarded. Logically, it would make a lot of sense that their fan base is, well... also retarded. As you might expect, their videos are rife with pure comedic gold. I'm not even going to begin to criticize the video itself, for that would require another blog. Anyway, without further adieu, we're going down, dooooooooooown... cock it and pull it... you get the idea...
happygirl9 sure doesn't waste any time in sharing her sexy sentiments:
....♥SeXy♥..♥SeXy♥
...♥SeXy♥...♥SeXy♥
.♥SeXy♥.......♥SeXy♥
...♥SeXy.♥.....♥SeXy♥
......♥SeXy♥
...........♥SeXy♥
♥SeXy♥......♥SeXy♥
.♥SeXy♥.......♥SeXy♥
...♥SeXy♥...♥SeXy♥
.........♥SeXy♥
I'm not really sure if that's supposed to be an "S" or something, but I'll give her have a "C+" for effort.
WWEKitty professes her (his?) FOB love: "im in love with this vid! fall out boy r amazin and hilarious" You is, too, Kitty. You is too.
For the observant racist in all of us, Jhung908 makes a decidedly astute comment: "wow alot of black people in this video" (A lot = two words. Am I right?)
If he hadn't made up his mind already, I think Jesus will be 100% sure of where he's putting jesushasaplace4me when he reads this charming bit of prose: "fuck fall out fucking boy, fuck all this new shit, what happened to weezer and the get up kids? not thats good emo music if i ever did catagorise it." (In case you didn't guess it, it's hell, or "the lake of fire" or "Tukwila, WA.")
It would seem that xoxoalways isn't as caring as the name might suggest: "Wow, shitty ass pop music. I really hope all the members die because I hate each and everyone of them with great intensity." Yeesh.
natho1988's gives the thread aninappropriate erotic twist. Also, I suspect that there might be a slight problem with her (again, his?) caps lock key, among other things: "AndY cAn StuF My PaNtiEs aNy Day!!"
Some of the more inventive spam we've seen comes from DemonWulf357, who is clearly some sort of creative writing major:
"In 1945, a young girl named katu lata kulu came over to America in a grey boat from Africa. A mysterious man killed her by cutting the word "LATUALATUKA" into her back. now that you have read this message, she will come to your house on a full moon and steal your soul unless you follow these directions:
1. Retype this message as a comment for 3 other videos"
I'll be safe, though. I just bought one of those Kryptonite soul-locks. I hear they're indestructible. Much better than the old cable locks. Also, I like how "these directions" actually turn out to be just one direction.
gaahinaluv4ever nobly defends FOB's legitimacy on the basis of Petey's god damned hottness: "fuck no you didn't just dis fall out boy! petey god damn hott!"
This next commenter really left me in "stiches!" I mean, I can really see where stichbuster is coming from. With his exquisite taste and overt homophobia, how can I do anything but heed his recommendations?: "this band sucks dick, and all u faggots should listen to Korn, SOAD, Slayer, Pantera, Metallica, Slipknot."
xxPrincessArlenexx and I share the same affliction: "Hey wel um i waz told by a m8 2 listen 2 dis song coz it was mena b gd.. WTF! i totalli h8 it tis da most annoyin song iv evah heard n da lyrics are absolutely rubbish dey were gd at da start yea but nw OMG still cant get dat annoyin tune outta moi head !!"
And finally, he the award for best idiotic comment for this Fall Out Boy edition of TDD goes to SafetyQueen3, who not only manages to embarrass herself without the use of abbreviation, but also spells the name of an iconic company incorrectly: "When I First Heared This Song I thought The Beat Sounded Like A Coak Cermershial" I Like Mai Coak With A Littel Lemin In It.
Tonight I'm going to have to disagree with YouTube's inviting motto and say this: for our sake, don't broadcast yourself. Well... nevermind. Please do. Then we will never ever run out of hilarious content for this blog. Goooooooooooodnight.
happygirl9 sure doesn't waste any time in sharing her sexy sentiments:
....♥SeXy♥..♥SeXy♥
...♥SeXy♥...♥SeXy♥
.♥SeXy♥.......♥SeXy♥
...♥SeXy.♥.....♥SeXy♥
......♥SeXy♥
...........♥SeXy♥
♥SeXy♥......♥SeXy♥
.♥SeXy♥.......♥SeXy♥
...♥SeXy♥...♥SeXy♥
.........♥SeXy♥
I'm not really sure if that's supposed to be an "S" or something, but I'll give her have a "C+" for effort.
WWEKitty professes her (his?) FOB love: "im in love with this vid! fall out boy r amazin and hilarious" You is, too, Kitty. You is too.
For the observant racist in all of us, Jhung908 makes a decidedly astute comment: "wow alot of black people in this video" (A lot = two words. Am I right?)
If he hadn't made up his mind already, I think Jesus will be 100% sure of where he's putting jesushasaplace4me when he reads this charming bit of prose: "fuck fall out fucking boy, fuck all this new shit, what happened to weezer and the get up kids? not thats good emo music if i ever did catagorise it." (In case you didn't guess it, it's hell, or "the lake of fire" or "Tukwila, WA.")
It would seem that xoxoalways isn't as caring as the name might suggest: "Wow, shitty ass pop music. I really hope all the members die because I hate each and everyone of them with great intensity." Yeesh.
natho1988's gives the thread an
Some of the more inventive spam we've seen comes from DemonWulf357, who is clearly some sort of creative writing major:
"In 1945, a young girl named katu lata kulu came over to America in a grey boat from Africa. A mysterious man killed her by cutting the word "LATUALATUKA" into her back. now that you have read this message, she will come to your house on a full moon and steal your soul unless you follow these directions:
1. Retype this message as a comment for 3 other videos"
I'll be safe, though. I just bought one of those Kryptonite soul-locks. I hear they're indestructible. Much better than the old cable locks. Also, I like how "these directions" actually turn out to be just one direction.
gaahinaluv4ever nobly defends FOB's legitimacy on the basis of Petey's god damned hottness: "fuck no you didn't just dis fall out boy! petey god damn hott!"
This next commenter really left me in "stiches!" I mean, I can really see where stichbuster is coming from. With his exquisite taste and overt homophobia, how can I do anything but heed his recommendations?: "this band sucks dick, and all u faggots should listen to Korn, SOAD, Slayer, Pantera, Metallica, Slipknot."
xxPrincessArlenexx and I share the same affliction: "Hey wel um i waz told by a m8 2 listen 2 dis song coz it was mena b gd.. WTF! i totalli h8 it tis da most annoyin song iv evah heard n da lyrics are absolutely rubbish dey were gd at da start yea but nw OMG still cant get dat annoyin tune outta moi head !!"
And finally, he the award for best idiotic comment for this Fall Out Boy edition of TDD goes to SafetyQueen3, who not only manages to embarrass herself without the use of abbreviation, but also spells the name of an iconic company incorrectly: "When I First Heared This Song I thought The Beat Sounded Like A Coak Cermershial" I Like Mai Coak With A Littel Lemin In It.
Tonight I'm going to have to disagree with YouTube's inviting motto and say this: for our sake, don't broadcast yourself. Well... nevermind. Please do. Then we will never ever run out of hilarious content for this blog. Goooooooooooodnight.
e hënë, 11 qershor 2007
Laughing Rats • Geeky Spats • Cretinous Prats: An In-Depth Analysis
Recently I've noticed that YouTube often has a fair amount of relatively compelling content on the front page. I was snooping around earlier this evening when I stumbled upon a run of comments that can only be categorized as anomalous. What I saw here was a delicate thread of intellectual content that some courageous scientists had woven into youtube's trademark dull-witted tapestry of comments. Immediately I realized that this discovery called for an examination of a very elite circle of commenters that seem to be outliers on the utterly depressing youtube IQ scatter plot. Without fail, youtube's frequenters were characteristically unfazed in the presence of such erudite content and still managed to give us good show. Of course to preface this, you'll need to see the ridiculous video which inspired the whole bloody thing:
Without further delay, our friend reillyroowho begins the thread with a modest postulation: "Did it ever occur to them that the noises could be stress noises? Nobody laughs when they are tickled if they don't know what tickling is. Have you ever tried tickling a baby? They don't laugh until they understand the social aspect of it."
One month later our first commenter is greeted by a fiery retort from one Mr. gerlingantler: "reillyroowho you are a fucking idiot. This guy is a fucking neuroscientist"
These are pretty big words for a youtube thread already, but I started to think to myself, "Ok, maybe these guys aren't complete idiots. They have displayed some cognitive capability, made some conclusions based on observation and have gotten riled up and opinionated. This could really be O.K." Sadly, I was mistaken. It became clear that these initial commenters were in over their heads with bigmclargehuge880909 's reply: "2 things, just because someone is a neuroscientist does not mean that he has a good degree. second have you ever heard of lloyd morgan's cannon? because this is anthropomorphizing"
I see three critical errors in this statement. While it does display some rudimentary knowledge of something he/she might have picked up in high school biology, he fails miserably in other respects. First of all, I think bigmclargehuge880909 fails to realize that most individuals in a niche field like neuroscience likely get some sort of "good degree" from a university that is at least accredited. I'd imagine their studies wouldn't carry the same credibility if they were flossing a doctorate in neuroscience from the University of Phoenix. Secondly, Lloyd Morgan's Canon (sometimes referred to as Morgan's Canon) was a study of animal cognition. Lloyd Morgan's cannon, on the other hand, was used to fire alarmingly precise salvos of rats into his neighbor's chimney. It's most evident that bigmclargehuge880909 is in way over his/her head when he drops the word "anthropomorphizing" as nonchalantly as if it were third period French. Way to go, crapbag.
While these are not the dumbest commenters on youtube by any stretch, they set the tone for the inevitable downward spiral of this thread. Failing to realize that you can actually reply to specific comments, our buddy badasseric puts his foot down with a series of drunken rebuttals that would make Bill O'Reilly proud: "Reilly your wrong, I can tickle my babby sister and she laughs I see a smile on her face and she starts to giggle."
Notice the use of the word "babby" and improper use of "your." Solid.
Moving on, this badass dude proceeds to cement his argument: "And what you say is stress becuse of tough playing is also wrong, how do you think animals play? You don't see animals sitting there playing chesss."
Ooh, I think reillyroowho is going to need some ice for that burn. Wait though, it gets better: "How an animal plays is fliping, biteing, being loud and obnoxios, and looking around/exploring. I notice this in my pets, its not fighting. Fighting is more like snaping, growling , staying away frome the enemy, and the other animal getting hurt witch changes to wineing. The rat would have bit his hand, punctured it, held on, and pulled if it was stress"
Judging by his vivid descriptions we can only imagine that badasseric has witnessed some BADASS animal battles. From the sage-like tone of experience in his words, I might even assume that he's had a few rat-inflicted puncture wounds.
Things take a slightly more serious turn when the ever SandStormCataclysm points out the political implications of the clip: "Wow. They spent years of their lives trying to figure out if rats could laugh. That's fine and dandy but that better not be fuded by the tax payers of that country. Think of it, " Your tax money is used to find out if rats could laugh instead of making the school system better." "
Tocinator manages to set him straight, though, by reminding us all that the tax dollars are really going to fuel the limited skirmishes in Middle America between the racist, corn-farming community and anyone with an IQ over room temperature: "Your tax money is being used to kill people in middle west instead of making the school system better.. science is progress, war is totally unnecessary."
Duh, SandStormCataclysm...
After wading through heaps of inane bickering, the salvation of this thread is found in the words of CodiLovesRats and stayingup2late who both appear to be some sort of rat brain maniacs:
CodiLovesRats says, "...They were making 50khz vocalizations - the same vocalizations they make when they play with each other. They make 22kHz vocalizations when they are upset. They make 30Khz vocalizations to call their mothers. Please do not answer questions with such authority if you are not doing your dissertation on such things."
I'm not sure why such intelligent people are wasting their time arguing over chortling vermin in the youtube arena, but perhaps it was a need for vindication they are clearly not receiving in the legitimate science community by fondling rats all day long. Despite the decisively cerebral air the thread had taken on, this did not deter the usual suspects who you might typically find commenting on the finer points of the latest Paul Wall video. Certainly they wouldn't disappoint us by not chipping in their two doltish cents:
Clearly delighted and left craving more rat-tickling action, teecomb writes: "nonononononono...so good!"
Finding inspiration in this heartwarming feel-good youtube video of the year, vermin enthusiast DiddleySquatt expresses his newfound desire to get a couple of his own to grope: "Fascinating. As a rat lover and future rat owner, I watched this with great interest and appreciation. Thanks."
And finally a desperate cry for help from bluntednz, a soul suffering through a ratless existence reminds to cherish our pink-tailed companions: "I MISS MY RAT!!!!"
Always bear in mind that your days of carefree, laughter-filled rat-tickling are numbered, so make sure to caress them every chance you get. And with that I leave you with perhaps the most conclusive evidence of the deep emotional capacity of each and every rat on this planet.
http://splinterismeditating.ytmnd.com/
Lol, neuroscience. Pwnt.
Without further delay, our friend reillyroowho begins the thread with a modest postulation: "Did it ever occur to them that the noises could be stress noises? Nobody laughs when they are tickled if they don't know what tickling is. Have you ever tried tickling a baby? They don't laugh until they understand the social aspect of it."
One month later our first commenter is greeted by a fiery retort from one Mr. gerlingantler: "reillyroowho you are a fucking idiot. This guy is a fucking neuroscientist"
These are pretty big words for a youtube thread already, but I started to think to myself, "Ok, maybe these guys aren't complete idiots. They have displayed some cognitive capability, made some conclusions based on observation and have gotten riled up and opinionated. This could really be O.K." Sadly, I was mistaken. It became clear that these initial commenters were in over their heads with bigmclargehuge880909 's reply: "2 things, just because someone is a neuroscientist does not mean that he has a good degree. second have you ever heard of lloyd morgan's cannon? because this is anthropomorphizing"
I see three critical errors in this statement. While it does display some rudimentary knowledge of something he/she might have picked up in high school biology, he fails miserably in other respects. First of all, I think bigmclargehuge880909 fails to realize that most individuals in a niche field like neuroscience likely get some sort of "good degree" from a university that is at least accredited. I'd imagine their studies wouldn't carry the same credibility if they were flossing a doctorate in neuroscience from the University of Phoenix. Secondly, Lloyd Morgan's Canon (sometimes referred to as Morgan's Canon) was a study of animal cognition. Lloyd Morgan's cannon, on the other hand, was used to fire alarmingly precise salvos of rats into his neighbor's chimney. It's most evident that bigmclargehuge880909 is in way over his/her head when he drops the word "anthropomorphizing" as nonchalantly as if it were third period French. Way to go, crapbag.
While these are not the dumbest commenters on youtube by any stretch, they set the tone for the inevitable downward spiral of this thread. Failing to realize that you can actually reply to specific comments, our buddy badasseric puts his foot down with a series of drunken rebuttals that would make Bill O'Reilly proud: "Reilly your wrong, I can tickle my babby sister and she laughs I see a smile on her face and she starts to giggle."
Notice the use of the word "babby" and improper use of "your." Solid.
Moving on, this badass dude proceeds to cement his argument: "And what you say is stress becuse of tough playing is also wrong, how do you think animals play? You don't see animals sitting there playing chesss."
Ooh, I think reillyroowho is going to need some ice for that burn. Wait though, it gets better: "How an animal plays is fliping, biteing, being loud and obnoxios, and looking around/exploring. I notice this in my pets, its not fighting. Fighting is more like snaping, growling , staying away frome the enemy, and the other animal getting hurt witch changes to wineing. The rat would have bit his hand, punctured it, held on, and pulled if it was stress"
Judging by his vivid descriptions we can only imagine that badasseric has witnessed some BADASS animal battles. From the sage-like tone of experience in his words, I might even assume that he's had a few rat-inflicted puncture wounds.
Things take a slightly more serious turn when the ever SandStormCataclysm points out the political implications of the clip: "Wow. They spent years of their lives trying to figure out if rats could laugh. That's fine and dandy but that better not be fuded by the tax payers of that country. Think of it, " Your tax money is used to find out if rats could laugh instead of making the school system better." "
Tocinator manages to set him straight, though, by reminding us all that the tax dollars are really going to fuel the limited skirmishes in Middle America between the racist, corn-farming community and anyone with an IQ over room temperature: "Your tax money is being used to kill people in middle west instead of making the school system better.. science is progress, war is totally unnecessary."
Duh, SandStormCataclysm...
After wading through heaps of inane bickering, the salvation of this thread is found in the words of CodiLovesRats and stayingup2late who both appear to be some sort of rat brain maniacs:
CodiLovesRats says, "...They were making 50khz vocalizations - the same vocalizations they make when they play with each other. They make 22kHz vocalizations when they are upset. They make 30Khz vocalizations to call their mothers. Please do not answer questions with such authority if you are not doing your dissertation on such things."
I'm not sure why such intelligent people are wasting their time arguing over chortling vermin in the youtube arena, but perhaps it was a need for vindication they are clearly not receiving in the legitimate science community by fondling rats all day long. Despite the decisively cerebral air the thread had taken on, this did not deter the usual suspects who you might typically find commenting on the finer points of the latest Paul Wall video. Certainly they wouldn't disappoint us by not chipping in their two doltish cents:
Clearly delighted and left craving more rat-tickling action, teecomb writes: "nonononononono...so good!"
Finding inspiration in this heartwarming feel-good youtube video of the year, vermin enthusiast DiddleySquatt expresses his newfound desire to get a couple of his own to grope: "Fascinating. As a rat lover and future rat owner, I watched this with great interest and appreciation. Thanks."
And finally a desperate cry for help from bluntednz, a soul suffering through a ratless existence reminds to cherish our pink-tailed companions: "I MISS MY RAT!!!!"
Always bear in mind that your days of carefree, laughter-filled rat-tickling are numbered, so make sure to caress them every chance you get. And with that I leave you with perhaps the most conclusive evidence of the deep emotional capacity of each and every rat on this planet.
http://splinterismeditating.ytmnd.com/
Lol, neuroscience. Pwnt.
The Great Unwashed
After years of study, scientists have finally come to the conclusion that the comments on YouTube - especially regarding popular music - are in fact, the dumbest comments ever made by mankind (and by scientists I mean myself and my colleague, of course).
This blog will be dedicated to the collection and republication of the dumbest comments on YouTube videos gathered here in one spot for your enjoyment. Please feel free to email me if you find any other gems that need to be submitted.
For now, let's start with the comments on R. Kelly's "I'm a Flirt" featuring T-Pain and TI.
Admittedly, making fun of the comments on this video is like shooting fish in a barrel...but for a first post we have to give you a great example of the horrid idiocy that is YouTube.
cuterdanu - "i extremely luv dis sng iz my fav sng eva" While I wouldn't agree with cuterdanu's statement of him/her(/it?) actually being cuter than me (though it is quite hard to argue with someone who asserts their cuteness in their username...) their statement gives us pure comedic gold to work with. I dare you to try to pronounce this "sentence" out loud without vowels! Not to mention work into your everyday language that you "extremely" love (luv?) something. Just like, "Hey man! I extremely love that t-shirt you've got on! Where'd you get it?"
sexibeki - "Luvinn Itt Shit Gd Baybeez Beckii x"
Poor sexibeki has a rare (well, not so rare on YouTube) disease that involves her being unable to lift her fingers off a key before it adds one extra unnecessary consonant. Beki, while we do know that you are sexi, we would luvinn itt to see you learn how to type.
DaMNgiRRRl - "r kelly iz ugly but his voice iis gr8!"
God, I'm not even sure how to respond. I mean...just...DaMNgiRRl! I'm not quite sure if her name is to be read in a "Damn, Girl! You are hot!" or "Damn Girl! Why are you always eating all the Doritos®!" I suppose we should forgive her for calling R. Kelly ugly - I mean someone finds him attractive enough to let him PISS ON THEIR FACE.
Cesana - "Almaraz how bout u shut your fuckiung mouth and stop hatin on r kelly t-pain and ti thay shit on your pis fuk head"
Cesana fires back at all the "haters" referring to the R. Kelly sex tape in the comments section. Personally, I feel they have a legitimate reason to be "hatin' on" Mr. Kelly (see bold text above [in case you didn't get that, he enjoys peeing on people]). Cesana on the other hand, believes that R. Kelly, T-Pain and TI deserve defecate upon your urine if you insult them (I think?). While I can't say much about R. Kelly's bathroom habits (he seems to think young women are toilets), I would like to think that T-Pain and TI don't "shit on your pis" as a form of punishment and just use the good old fashioned ass-kicking of yesteryear.
...though I could be mistaken and Cesana, in all his intellectual glory, could just be stringing together random misspelled expletives and think that he is insulting someone.
brittany821 - "haha ima flirt wen the guys hawt! lol then i jus makout with him! lol jk"
Oh boy, brittany821, you are going to end up losing your V-Card in the back of some sweaty dude's lowered Honda Civic, the spikes of his over-gelled hair crunching against the cheap carpeted ceiling, your face aglow in the blue LED-lit speedometer he has mounted to the dash (but never bothered to hook up because he's not quite sure how), crying softly because you "weren't ready." LOL JK!
50+ instances of (or a variant) - "its kinda scary at first but it really works!! paste this message into 3 comments and press ALT F4 and your crushes name will appear on the screen!!! its soo wierd!" Man, a true spark of genius arises among the filth. In case you don't know - machines running Windows close the current window when the keystroke alt+f4 is pressed. The person who thought of this joke to play on the great unwashed of YouTube is probably thinking, "I got you good you fucker!" (as they definitely have the same mindset as the character Farva from Super Troopers). I wonder if we could trick YouTubers into posting this comment three times, then punching themselves in the face! Your crush's name will appear in the bruise! "its soo wierd!"
Feel smarter?
This blog will be dedicated to the collection and republication of the dumbest comments on YouTube videos gathered here in one spot for your enjoyment. Please feel free to email me if you find any other gems that need to be submitted.
For now, let's start with the comments on R. Kelly's "I'm a Flirt" featuring T-Pain and TI.
Admittedly, making fun of the comments on this video is like shooting fish in a barrel...but for a first post we have to give you a great example of the horrid idiocy that is YouTube.
cuterdanu - "i extremely luv dis sng iz my fav sng eva" While I wouldn't agree with cuterdanu's statement of him/her(/it?) actually being cuter than me (though it is quite hard to argue with someone who asserts their cuteness in their username...) their statement gives us pure comedic gold to work with. I dare you to try to pronounce this "sentence" out loud without vowels! Not to mention work into your everyday language that you "extremely" love (luv?) something. Just like, "Hey man! I extremely love that t-shirt you've got on! Where'd you get it?"
sexibeki - "Luvinn Itt Shit Gd Baybeez Beckii x"
Poor sexibeki has a rare (well, not so rare on YouTube) disease that involves her being unable to lift her fingers off a key before it adds one extra unnecessary consonant. Beki, while we do know that you are sexi, we would luvinn itt to see you learn how to type.
DaMNgiRRRl - "r kelly iz ugly but his voice iis gr8!"
God, I'm not even sure how to respond. I mean...just...DaMNgiRRl! I'm not quite sure if her name is to be read in a "Damn, Girl! You are hot!" or "Damn Girl! Why are you always eating all the Doritos®!" I suppose we should forgive her for calling R. Kelly ugly - I mean someone finds him attractive enough to let him PISS ON THEIR FACE.
Cesana - "Almaraz how bout u shut your fuckiung mouth and stop hatin on r kelly t-pain and ti thay shit on your pis fuk head"
Cesana fires back at all the "haters" referring to the R. Kelly sex tape in the comments section. Personally, I feel they have a legitimate reason to be "hatin' on" Mr. Kelly (see bold text above [in case you didn't get that, he enjoys peeing on people]). Cesana on the other hand, believes that R. Kelly, T-Pain and TI deserve defecate upon your urine if you insult them (I think?). While I can't say much about R. Kelly's bathroom habits (he seems to think young women are toilets), I would like to think that T-Pain and TI don't "shit on your pis" as a form of punishment and just use the good old fashioned ass-kicking of yesteryear.
...though I could be mistaken and Cesana, in all his intellectual glory, could just be stringing together random misspelled expletives and think that he is insulting someone.
brittany821 - "haha ima flirt wen the guys hawt! lol then i jus makout with him! lol jk"
Oh boy, brittany821, you are going to end up losing your V-Card in the back of some sweaty dude's lowered Honda Civic, the spikes of his over-gelled hair crunching against the cheap carpeted ceiling, your face aglow in the blue LED-lit speedometer he has mounted to the dash (but never bothered to hook up because he's not quite sure how), crying softly because you "weren't ready." LOL JK!
50+ instances of (or a variant) - "its kinda scary at first but it really works!! paste this message into 3 comments and press ALT F4 and your crushes name will appear on the screen!!! its soo wierd!" Man, a true spark of genius arises among the filth. In case you don't know - machines running Windows close the current window when the keystroke alt+f4 is pressed. The person who thought of this joke to play on the great unwashed of YouTube is probably thinking, "I got you good you fucker!" (as they definitely have the same mindset as the character Farva from Super Troopers). I wonder if we could trick YouTubers into posting this comment three times, then punching themselves in the face! Your crush's name will appear in the bruise! "its soo wierd!"
Feel smarter?
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