In this next installment of TDD we see a few comments from the YouTube crowd that are actually coherent sentences, some of them quite clever and amusing, though I suppose there are always a few 'tards who manage to do something other than scrub tables at your local McDonald's. (Yeesh, making fun of people with mental handicaps, doesn't get much lower than that.)
This compilation of scenes from the 2006 steaming pile of poop starring Nick Cage (a horrible remake of the 1973 British film by the same name) is one of my all time favorite YouTube videos. To quote Roger Ebert when asked about similarly terrible film (Wild Wild West, yeah the one starring Will Smith in 1999), "it's like watching money being burned on screen." In this clip we have a terrible actor screaming about bees, punching women in the face and running around in a bear suit. Sound awesome? It is.
(If you need more misogynistic action you can view an extended collection of clips here.)
On to the comments -
We'll start with the few that are actually quite clever/funny, as I said before, way above par for the average YouTube video.
ACustomConcern - "Dude, the remake is a sin against film, but that montage is exactly what the movie needed to be. I think they should make a film with Cage just going around punching women, whilst wearing a bearsuit. It would make MILLIONS."
I couldn't agree more. I believe Cage's acting really shines when he is wearing that bearsuit, because we can focus more on how "fuckin' sweet" it is that he's wearing a bearsuit and punching women and less on the fact that he is trying desperately to act.
chewie2240 - "I am confused, can someone confirm this to me or am I imagining things? Did I just see an A list Hollywood actor in a movie where the script requires him to do a scene where he sucker punches a young Amish woman while wearing a full on grizzly bear costume?"
While I wouldn't agree with chewie2240's statement that Nick Cage is an A-List actor (though I suppose he does make movies that are "totally awesome" when you're 13 - like "Face-Off"), the sentiment of his post is, I will admit, quite clever.
MrsFossil - "I never realised beating up women could be so fucking funny."
Soul74 - "Classy."
Soul74, I couldn't have put it better myself.
LocalLooney expresses his heartfelt sentiments - "BEAR SUIT OF LOVE"
TomiusJ - "God, haven't seen it, but it looks so awful. What's happened to Nic's acting? Oh, wait... nothing."
Jeez, if the YouTubers keep up like this we won't have much to write about.
Never fear though, there are always idiots lurking around...such as this fellow:
zandizandi - "i just watched the movie and really enjoyed it if you didnt like it set your nuts on fire u fuckn homos."
I think zandizandi was the perfect customer for this film - he makes a compelling case through his exquisite wit for me to set my nuts on fire. I am probably a "fuckn homo" as well!
With that piece of sheer brilliance I'm going to end this post, which was really just an excuse to show you the utter atrocity that is this film. Remember to set your nuts on fire though, because you probably didn't like the movie.
e martë, 19 qershor 2007
e diel, 17 qershor 2007
The Presh Prince and Other Blunders
I was watching Men In Black last night and I thought to myself, "Man, Will Smith is really cool. He can act, he can rap... what a dreamboat!" Shortly after waking up this morning, I was wowed yet again by another clip online of Mr. Smith solving a Rubik's cube in under a minute. Seriously. How sweet is that? Unfortunately, I couldn't write that clip up because it wasn't on YouTube and lacked the accompanying comments. I felt it was only fitting to have this edition of TDD be dedicated to the all-around likable (lickable?) African-American man that is Will "Big Willie" Smith. Let's take a look at this classic moment from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:
Before we commence, I'd like to point out the three major elements of this clip which contribute to it's hilarity:
1. Scripted Sitcom Sports - Unfailingly calculated to razzle-dazzle your socks off (while your shoes somehow remain on your feet.) When executed correctly, these scenes are effective in that the casual viewer cannot make the distinction between choreography and pure LeBron-esque hoop domination. Watch as this will become our commenters downfall.
2. Soundtrack by the Right Reverend M.C. Hammer - A near requisite in every early 1990s sitcom, especially in sequences of progress, self-improvement montages and moments of pure badassery. Check.
3. Disneyland® - The obvious reward for some kind of achievement is a trip to a Disney® brand theme park. It's the only place in the world where the overly-inflated price of churros exceeds 1000% and child molestation is legal. Clearly the most magical place on earth.
Our beloved sea of idiots didn't fail in bringing us wave after wave of dimwitted babble. Roll up your pant legs folks, it seems we've reached high tide.
It's clear we're going to be treated to a load of comment flotsam when 786rahib786 poses the question, "is tis a part of a presh prince episode or a real game" Well, I'm assuming it's a question, despite the complete lack of punctuation. Nevertheless, this concept seems to perplex a majority of our commenters.
Commenter kasra realizes that his baller skills fall short of The Prince. "i wish i could play dat goood" he says, failing to realize that while it looks impeccably authentic, this basketball game is NOT REAL.
Not to be outdone, bballgmr is so sure of his game that he doesn't hesitate to flaunt it. I'm sure Will Smith was trembling in his desk chair when he saw "i can take him lol he has no left hand skills" under his video. Even so, he likely took comfort in knowing that leslienn will be his "gurl" despite the criticism that can so often be taxing on celebrity relationships. She says, "will is really good, and sexy. i wish i was his gurl. i wish i could play like him too and bballgmr yes he does and no u cant." Wow, really? I don't know if you're keeping track, but we're already up to three, count 'em, THREE people who didn't know this was faked. Ohhhh YouTube...
spartydrew5 seems to be forgetting a little thing called "suspension of disbelief" when he sits down to watch his Nick At Nite® re-runs on a couch in his mother's basement while she watches her "stories" upstairs. He asks confusedly, "shouldnt a rich prep school like bel air academy have a bigger gym?" NO, spartydrew5, they shouldn't have a bigger gym. They should have a big enough gym to fit on the SOUNDSTAGE that it was being FILMED on in front of a LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
Sadly, this video could not escape the pervasive blanket of racism on YouTube and fell victim to trabant6666's incoherent remarks: "yo black bitch whos momma is a ho shat da fak ap or get back to da jungle bitch ass monkey nigro!" Let's be honest; if people as fantastic as Will Smith come from the jungle, buy me a plane ticket for the Congo ASAP. We can leave trabant6666 and his sophisticated circle of socialites in the "developed world."
For every distasteful comment there are about 10,000 that make our job a little easier. Unable to restrain his self, pakja bursts forth in a veritable river of exclamation points, "you can touch the Prince!!!!!!!!!!1 fresh Prince is tight!!!!!!" Yes pakja, you can touch the prince. We'll see how well it goes over on the red carpet the next time you're collecting "Prince Dust" for your Will Smith shrine.
And the award for most irrelevant comment this time goes to Samchs08 who has managed to leave me at a loss for commentary with this misspelled beauty: "beastality." I suppose the sight of Will Smith enveloping the grizzly Uncle Phil in a giant leggy hug could conjure up such images, but I think it's best to leave that one alone.
Until next time... stay presh YouTube, and stay dumb.
Before we commence, I'd like to point out the three major elements of this clip which contribute to it's hilarity:
1. Scripted Sitcom Sports - Unfailingly calculated to razzle-dazzle your socks off (while your shoes somehow remain on your feet.) When executed correctly, these scenes are effective in that the casual viewer cannot make the distinction between choreography and pure LeBron-esque hoop domination. Watch as this will become our commenters downfall.
2. Soundtrack by the Right Reverend M.C. Hammer - A near requisite in every early 1990s sitcom, especially in sequences of progress, self-improvement montages and moments of pure badassery. Check.
3. Disneyland® - The obvious reward for some kind of achievement is a trip to a Disney® brand theme park. It's the only place in the world where the overly-inflated price of churros exceeds 1000% and child molestation is legal. Clearly the most magical place on earth.
Our beloved sea of idiots didn't fail in bringing us wave after wave of dimwitted babble. Roll up your pant legs folks, it seems we've reached high tide.
It's clear we're going to be treated to a load of comment flotsam when 786rahib786 poses the question, "is tis a part of a presh prince episode or a real game" Well, I'm assuming it's a question, despite the complete lack of punctuation. Nevertheless, this concept seems to perplex a majority of our commenters.
Commenter kasra realizes that his baller skills fall short of The Prince. "i wish i could play dat goood" he says, failing to realize that while it looks impeccably authentic, this basketball game is NOT REAL.
Not to be outdone, bballgmr is so sure of his game that he doesn't hesitate to flaunt it. I'm sure Will Smith was trembling in his desk chair when he saw "i can take him lol he has no left hand skills" under his video. Even so, he likely took comfort in knowing that leslienn will be his "gurl" despite the criticism that can so often be taxing on celebrity relationships. She says, "will is really good, and sexy. i wish i was his gurl. i wish i could play like him too and bballgmr yes he does and no u cant." Wow, really? I don't know if you're keeping track, but we're already up to three, count 'em, THREE people who didn't know this was faked. Ohhhh YouTube...
spartydrew5 seems to be forgetting a little thing called "suspension of disbelief" when he sits down to watch his Nick At Nite® re-runs on a couch in his mother's basement while she watches her "stories" upstairs. He asks confusedly, "shouldnt a rich prep school like bel air academy have a bigger gym?" NO, spartydrew5, they shouldn't have a bigger gym. They should have a big enough gym to fit on the SOUNDSTAGE that it was being FILMED on in front of a LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
Sadly, this video could not escape the pervasive blanket of racism on YouTube and fell victim to trabant6666's incoherent remarks: "yo black bitch whos momma is a ho shat da fak ap or get back to da jungle bitch ass monkey nigro!" Let's be honest; if people as fantastic as Will Smith come from the jungle, buy me a plane ticket for the Congo ASAP. We can leave trabant6666 and his sophisticated circle of socialites in the "developed world."
For every distasteful comment there are about 10,000 that make our job a little easier. Unable to restrain his self, pakja bursts forth in a veritable river of exclamation points, "you can touch the Prince!!!!!!!!!!1 fresh Prince is tight!!!!!!" Yes pakja, you can touch the prince. We'll see how well it goes over on the red carpet the next time you're collecting "Prince Dust" for your Will Smith shrine.
And the award for most irrelevant comment this time goes to Samchs08 who has managed to leave me at a loss for commentary with this misspelled beauty: "beastality." I suppose the sight of Will Smith enveloping the grizzly Uncle Phil in a giant leggy hug could conjure up such images, but I think it's best to leave that one alone.
Until next time... stay presh YouTube, and stay dumb.
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