e hënë, 11 qershor 2007

The Great Unwashed

After years of study, scientists have finally come to the conclusion that the comments on YouTube - especially regarding popular music - are in fact, the dumbest comments ever made by mankind (and by scientists I mean myself and my colleague, of course).

This blog will be dedicated to the collection and republication of the dumbest comments on YouTube videos gathered here in one spot for your enjoyment. Please feel free to email me if you find any other gems that need to be submitted.

For now, let's start with the comments on R. Kelly's "I'm a Flirt" featuring T-Pain and TI.

Admittedly, making fun of the comments on this video is like shooting fish in a barrel...but for a first post we have to give you a great example of the horrid idiocy that is YouTube.

cuterdanu - "i extremely luv dis sng iz my fav sng eva" While I wouldn't agree with cuterdanu's statement of him/her(/it?) actually being cuter than me (though it is quite hard to argue with someone who asserts their cuteness in their username...) their statement gives us pure comedic gold to work with. I dare you to try to pronounce this "sentence" out loud without vowels! Not to mention work into your everyday language that you "extremely" love (luv?) something. Just like, "Hey man! I extremely love that t-shirt you've got on! Where'd you get it?"

sexibeki - "Luvinn Itt Shit Gd Baybeez Beckii x"
Poor sexibeki has a rare (well, not so rare on YouTube) disease that involves her being unable to lift her fingers off a key before it adds one extra unnecessary consonant. Beki, while we do know that you are sexi, we would luvinn itt to see you learn how to type.

DaMNgiRRRl - "r kelly iz ugly but his voice iis gr8!"
God, I'm not even sure how to respond. I mean...just...DaMNgiRRl! I'm not quite sure if her name is to be read in a "Damn, Girl! You are hot!" or "Damn Girl! Why are you always eating all the Doritos®!" I suppose we should forgive her for calling R. Kelly ugly - I mean someone finds him attractive enough to let him PISS ON THEIR FACE.

Cesana - "Almaraz how bout u shut your fuckiung mouth and stop hatin on r kelly t-pain and ti thay shit on your pis fuk head"
Cesana fires back at all the "haters" referring to the R. Kelly sex tape in the comments section. Personally, I feel they have a legitimate reason to be "hatin' on" Mr. Kelly (see bold text above [in case you didn't get that, he enjoys peeing on people]). Cesana on the other hand, believes that R. Kelly, T-Pain and TI deserve defecate upon your urine if you insult them (I think?). While I can't say much about R. Kelly's bathroom habits (he seems to think young women are toilets), I would like to think that T-Pain and TI don't "shit on your pis" as a form of punishment and just use the good old fashioned ass-kicking of yesteryear.

...though I could be mistaken and Cesana, in all his intellectual glory, could just be stringing together random misspelled expletives and think that he is insulting someone.

brittany821 - "haha ima flirt wen the guys hawt! lol then i jus makout with him! lol jk"
Oh boy, brittany821, you are going to end up losing your V-Card in the back of some sweaty dude's lowered Honda Civic, the spikes of his over-gelled hair crunching against the cheap carpeted ceiling, your face aglow in the blue LED-lit speedometer he has mounted to the dash (but never bothered to hook up because he's not quite sure how), crying softly because you "weren't ready." LOL JK!

50+ instances of (or a variant) - "its kinda scary at first but it really works!! paste this message into 3 comments and press ALT F4 and your crushes name will appear on the screen!!! its soo wierd!" Man, a true spark of genius arises among the filth. In case you don't know - machines running Windows close the current window when the keystroke alt+f4 is pressed. The person who thought of this joke to play on the great unwashed of YouTube is probably thinking, "I got you good you fucker!" (as they definitely have the same mindset as the character Farva from Super Troopers). I wonder if we could trick YouTubers into posting this comment three times, then punching themselves in the face! Your crush's name will appear in the bruise! "its soo wierd!"

Feel smarter?