Laughing Rats • Geeky Spats • Cretinous Prats: An In-Depth Analysis

Recently I've noticed that YouTube often has a fair amount of relatively compelling content on the front page. I was snooping around earlier this evening when I stumbled upon a run of comments that can only be categorized as anomalous. What I saw here was a delicate thread of intellectual content that some courageous scientists had woven into youtube's trademark dull-witted tapestry of comments. Immediately I realized that this discovery called for an examination of a very elite circle of commenters that seem to be outliers on the utterly depressing youtube IQ scatter plot. Without fail, youtube's frequenters were characteristically unfazed in the presence of such erudite content and still managed to give us good show. Of course to preface this, you'll need to see the ridiculous video which inspired the whole bloody thing:

Without further delay, our friend reillyroowho begins the thread with a modest postulation: "Did it ever occur to them that the noises could be stress noises? Nobody laughs when they are tickled if they don't know what tickling is. Have you ever tried tickling a baby? They don't laugh until they understand the social aspect of it."

One month later our first commenter is greeted by a fiery retort from one Mr. gerlingantler: "reillyroowho you are a fucking idiot. This guy is a fucking neuroscientist"

These are pretty big words for a youtube thread already, but I started to think to myself, "Ok, maybe these guys aren't complete idiots. They have displayed some cognitive capability, made some conclusions based on observation and have gotten riled up and opinionated. This could really be O.K." Sadly, I was mistaken. It became clear that these initial commenters were in over their heads with bigmclargehuge880909 's reply: "2 things, just because someone is a neuroscientist does not mean that he has a good degree. second have you ever heard of lloyd morgan's cannon? because this is anthropomorphizing"

I see three critical errors in this statement. While it does display some rudimentary knowledge of something he/she might have picked up in high school biology, he fails miserably in other respects. First of all, I think bigmclargehuge880909 fails to realize that most individuals in a niche field like neuroscience likely get some sort of "good degree" from a university that is at least accredited. I'd imagine their studies wouldn't carry the same credibility if they were flossing a doctorate in neuroscience from the University of Phoenix. Secondly, Lloyd Morgan's Canon (sometimes referred to as Morgan's Canon) was a study of animal cognition. Lloyd Morgan's cannon, on the other hand, was used to fire alarmingly precise salvos of rats into his neighbor's chimney. It's most evident that bigmclargehuge880909 is in way over his/her head when he drops the word "anthropomorphizing" as nonchalantly as if it were third period French. Way to go, crapbag.

While these are not the dumbest commenters on youtube by any stretch, they set the tone for the inevitable downward spiral of this thread. Failing to realize that you can actually reply to specific comments, our buddy badasseric puts his foot down with a series of drunken rebuttals that would make Bill O'Reilly proud: "Reilly your wrong, I can tickle my babby sister and she laughs I see a smile on her face and she starts to giggle."

Notice the use of the word "babby" and improper use of "your." Solid.

Moving on, this badass dude proceeds to cement his argument: "And what you say is stress becuse of tough playing is also wrong, how do you think animals play? You don't see animals sitting there playing chesss."

Ooh, I think reillyroowho is going to need some ice for that burn. Wait though, it gets better: "How an animal plays is fliping, biteing, being loud and obnoxios, and looking around/exploring. I notice this in my pets, its not fighting. Fighting is more like snaping, growling , staying away frome the enemy, and the other animal getting hurt witch changes to wineing. The rat would have bit his hand, punctured it, held on, and pulled if it was stress"

Judging by his vivid descriptions we can only imagine that badasseric has witnessed some BADASS animal battles. From the sage-like tone of experience in his words, I might even assume that he's had a few rat-inflicted puncture wounds.

Things take a slightly more serious turn when the ever SandStormCataclysm points out the political implications of the clip: "Wow. They spent years of their lives trying to figure out if rats could laugh. That's fine and dandy but that better not be fuded by the tax payers of that country. Think of it, " Your tax money is used to find out if rats could laugh instead of making the school system better." "

Tocinator manages to set him straight, though, by reminding us all that the tax dollars are really going to fuel the limited skirmishes in Middle America between the racist, corn-farming community and anyone with an IQ over room temperature: "Your tax money is being used to kill people in middle west instead of making the school system better.. science is progress, war is totally unnecessary."

Duh, SandStormCataclysm...

After wading through heaps of inane bickering, the salvation of this thread is found in the words of CodiLovesRats and stayingup2late who both appear to be some sort of rat brain maniacs:

CodiLovesRats says, "...They were making 50khz vocalizations - the same vocalizations they make when they play with each other. They make 22kHz vocalizations when they are upset. They make 30Khz vocalizations to call their mothers. Please do not answer questions with such authority if you are not doing your dissertation on such things."

I'm not sure why such intelligent people are wasting their time arguing over chortling vermin in the youtube arena, but perhaps it was a need for vindication they are clearly not receiving in the legitimate science community by fondling rats all day long. Despite the decisively cerebral air the thread had taken on, this did not deter the usual suspects who you might typically find commenting on the finer points of the latest Paul Wall video. Certainly they wouldn't disappoint us by not chipping in their two doltish cents:

Clearly delighted and left craving more rat-tickling action, teecomb writes: "nonononononono...so good!"

Finding inspiration in this heartwarming feel-good youtube video of the year, vermin enthusiast DiddleySquatt expresses his newfound desire to get a couple of his own to grope: "Fascinating. As a rat lover and future rat owner, I watched this with great interest and appreciation. Thanks."

And finally a desperate cry for help from bluntednz, a soul suffering through a ratless existence reminds to cherish our pink-tailed companions: "I MISS MY RAT!!!!"

Always bear in mind that your days of carefree, laughter-filled rat-tickling are numbered, so make sure to caress them every chance you get. And with that I leave you with perhaps the most conclusive evidence of the deep emotional capacity of each and every rat on this planet.

http://splinterismeditating.ytmnd.com/

Lol, neuroscience. Pwnt.